HABITUAL
March 1, 2018
it is a confusing cycle of pain
a hurricane and tidal wave flooding heart and mind
just when blue peers from behind the clouds
I see the eye passed over more slowly this time
if another lie trembles from my lips
and if my eyes close in petrifying fear
then dear loved one, who believed in me this once,
this is your fault; these fallen objects are your tears
the haunted thoughts and habitual actions
find me in the dark and damp repeated places
just when I thought I could survive the night without a light
from the open window I smell the horror of the monsters without faces
believe in these words if you believe in me at all
stay away from my hands and heart even if I want to cry
I dream of the feeling you bring to me in the morning
but the dawn never comes, I tried lifting the sun, I tried