some arkless earth

Alrisha Shea

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i long to undo adolescence

                                       restring my vocal cords,

                                                            make myself fit within the word child

 

become as sexless as a zygote,

              then reflood my body with both hormones

                            like some arkless earth

                                         trimmed of fat

 

i am mature in all the ways                  i’d like to not be

 

             sometimes you let yourself fall silent

                          and those moments are just as bad

                                        as your rabid screech & grind;

 

              for a lost mosquito only leaves searching in its absence

 

              somedays you                needleprick my knuckles and arms;

                            others it’s my chest or hips. though the difference in scale

                                         matters not, your whine rubs my eardrums

                                         in all the wrong ways

 

                                         a tree is not labelled by its disease; we do

                                         not call pines rootrotted or blightbranched

                                                       (though i am afraid without symptom

                                                        i am without diagnosis)

 

                                          why do you insist                        i am

                                                       in crisis, or in illness

                                          i am not diseased nor blighted;

                                                       call me by my name

                                                                    not in maldefiniton

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