Fudge You 2016

Mike Hopp, Staff Writer

Hello again State High,

       As many of you know, 2016 was a disaster. SCASD started their 18 year long construction project, Ryan Lochte well…you know, people got killed while playing video games (thanks Pokemon Go), there was the beautiful event known as Brexit which led to “straight outta europe reaction,” and of course our president-elect has been called a “Flaming Cheeto” and a “Decomposing Jack-o-lantern.”

The world was divided on our year’s most controversial issue. Everyone picked a side, and there were endless debates, arguments, and fights over who was right. Families were divided, friends were lost, countless tears were shed over the most influential topic of the year. Obviously we are talking about Harambe. Clearly a gorrilla dying is the sole worse part about the already horrendous 2016.

In other terrible news of everyone’s favorite year, a game meant for 9 year olds, known as Pokemon Go, became a craze of smartphone owners everywhere. Instead of being an app that would help make people active, it turned many into murderers, robbers and maniacs. Pokemon Go also led to the killing or injuring over 50 people who were playing pokemon go. You waited over 15 years to have your childhood dream come true by finally being able to catch pokemon again and then the sensation is destroyed by the murder of numerous people, welcome to 2016.

If all of this was not enough to convince you how miserable of a year everyone had, just ask Fidel Castro: Over 600 assassination attempts could not kill the Cuban Dictator, but 2016 could. In other 2016 news, Kim Kardashian got robbed of millions of dollars (also known as pocket change), Justin Bieber canceled his meet and greets with fans (how devastating) and someone created the water bottle flip challenge. Our entertainment for 2016 was throwing a water bottle, uck.

Finally, our president-elect is known in the media as “The Tanning Bed Warning Label” and “Tangerine Jesus.” That’s right, 2016 was so bad that our incoming president is no longer a person, he is a mix between a clementine and Biff from Back to the Future. Thanks 2016. Even the runner up in the presidential election is most famously known by her rainbow colored pantsuits and her fans’ “pantsuit nation” . Only 2016 would allow the leaders of our country to be known by their outdated outfit choices and their fruit colored skin.  

    We know that everyone is in a sour mood due to the atrocity that has been 2016, but look on the brightside, Betty White is still alive!

 

Sincerely,

Disappointed teenagers everywhere

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